Disclaimer: Some content is inappropriate for readers under 18 years of age or those offended by swear words, references to sexuality, atheism, and libertarianism.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Smart Ass Comments That Make Me Smile

Okay, so they may not be very "smart" or even creative, per se, but they made me laugh... Scroll down to read the comments posted by readers beneath an article about a woman who assaulted a police officer by hitting him with a dildo.

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Holy Hormones, Batman...

This happens every time I quit taking The Pill to give my body a break from its effects... A few days later, I get... Well- to put it mildly- a bit randy. It's quite a pleasant side effect to quitting The Pill but it's also quite awkward. Thankfully, I'm too busy at work to be distracted by it much and frankly the presence of smelly, obnoxious teenagers has the same impact as a freezing cold shower, but given any moment of free thought and time away from stinky kids, my mind strays to thoughts of naughtiness and the ache can be quite consuming.

Example: I was driving home from work yesterday and saw a guy was driving behind me... Mmm. Man behind me, I thought for a moment before I realized how pathetic and skanky that was.

What intrigues me is this... Is there any truth to the whole pheromones thing? If I made sure nothing I said was suggestive and I didn't show off cleavage or anything like that, would a man be able to detect my current state? I've often wondered that, because I feel like a blazing beacon, but my guess is the guys can't tell. If it's not a pheromones thing, do I have any tells? Do I put my pen in my mouth more? Twirl my hair more? Stare more? Cross my legs a little too tightly?

I guess one man can certainly tell if I'm horny or not: Mr. TeacherLady... As pathetic as it is at the end of a long day when I'm barely awake enough to lift a leg to climb the stair, never mind lift a leg to get one over. All revved up and no energy to go... How sad.

Saturday, November 06, 2010

You Say Sweater Puppies, I Say Blouse Bunnies.

Image: Selma Hayek and her fantastic knockers.

Biology always offers a wealth of quotes to illustrate the mindset of the young adults we endeavor to educate. Last week, the biology teacher went into a brief side discussion about the effect of hormones on human males and females. He explained how menopause may cause some older women to have excessive facial hair and went on to bring up the serious matter of "moobs".

BioTeacher: ... So if men take steroids then stop taking them suddenly, their hormones get thrown off and their oestrogen levels may be temporarily quite high and cause men to grow...

Here he made the grave mistake of hesitating, gesturing vaguely at his chest and looking generally quite awkward. To me, that was just cute. To the class, it was the ideal opportunity to offer up the missing term.

"Helpful"Student: Tits.

BioTeacher: Hey now...

"Helpful"Student: Titties. Boobs. Boobs. I said boobs.

BioTeacher: Okay, that's a little better...

Another"Helpful"Student: Funbags.

YetAnother"Helpful"Student: Yabbos.

BioTeacher: Okay. Tha...

CreativeStudent: Sugar Licks.

BioTeacher: OKAY. Thank you. We get the picture.

I tried so hard to hide behind my hair so the kids wouldn't see I was tearing up with laughter. I think I failed.

Sugar Licks. Heh.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Psychoville Halloween Special

Rather like a Simpsons Treehouse of Horrors episode, this special takes the lead characters of a great series and inserts them into horrific short tales that fall outside of the continuum of the regular series. I adore the Psychoville series and this served the dual purposes of creeping me out AND getting me all tingly and excited for the second season. Oh, and I always appreciate their little nods to other series/directors/movies. All I can say is Mr. Jelly had better not be killed off because he's it's thanks to him that I've discovered a secret fetish I have for creepy clowns.