Disclaimer: Some content is inappropriate for readers under 18 years of age or those offended by swear words, references to sexuality, atheism, and libertarianism.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

The Battles of the Sexes

I'm quite a polite person, by nature, so it takes a lot before I raise a complaint to someone directly... Piss on the floor is apparently a big enough issue to me that I decided to address my concern to the suspected piss-artists, so to speak.

This year, I was moved to an entirely different part of the building, and my new room contains its very own staff toilet. Sharing the room with a guy, and sharing said toilet with three additional guys who all work in the same hallway, I realized this was going to be an experiment in sociology that could either go completely wrong, or be a delightful contradiction to what I feel to be an archaic practice of gender segregation. The result? Piss on the floor. And on the seat. Stinking up the place.

It wasn't until one of my students ventured into the bathroom to get some toilet paper to blow his nose (okay, okay, I'll remember to take in some tissues at some point) and he said "I bet you hate sharing a restroom with some dudes because it stinks of pee in there" that I decided it was time I said something. My resolve was fortified by the fact that I later went in for a pee and found myself staring down at the ground between my legs and seeing an enormous puddle of urine... I then stood up and felt the cool air reveal the pee I had sat on and hadn't even realized until I stood up, making me feel even more eager to voice my concern to said parties.

I wrote them an e-mail. In it, I apologized for being the clich├ęd complaining female but that the enormous puddle of pee which I managed to have absorbed by our normally nonabsorbent paper towels just didn't sit well with me and wondered if they could improve their aim and leave the seat up.

The next day, the gent I had always suspected of being the phantom puddle depositor came in and as he passed me swiftly announced "I've figured out what your problem is... You need to learn to pee standing up." He went in, and slammed the seat up. Upon leaving, he said he was "just kidding". When he came in later in the day and my roomie was also present, he decided to repeat his fantastic gag and then went on to ask how I cope with my husband.

"He sits down, actually."

"What? What's wrong with him? Does he have a va-jay-jay?"

"Nope. My step-son sits too."

"Man, it's just like my wife... She's always complaining about how I get it all over too..."

I didn't go on to say what I was thinking which was "Wow, doesn't that give you a clue that the problem doesn't lie in the women around you, but in your shitty pissing skills?" Heh. Shitty pissing.

There are still puddles, but at least the seat it up every time I go in there. Now I'm just patiently waiting for my period to start again so I can leave used tampon applicators in the garbage can. Last time, I wrapped them up neatly. This time, I'll make sure they're highly visible, because as the great Bugs Bunny said "This means war."

4 comments:

calencoriel said...

I have two men in my house and neither produces puddles of urine on the floor nor on the toilet seat and neither sit.

I grew up in a house with three men who were all able to place their urine only within the rather large circle of the toilet.

There is no reason why he shouldn't be able to hit the toilet bowl...

You know, I don't think manners play into it at all...the guy's a complete pig. I can't believe the other men who share the restroom stand for it either.

Maybe his aim is so poor because his urine has such a long distance to travel from source to sink, as it were...and I'm not commenting on his height, either...

Perhaps if you were to comment along those lines his aim might improve so that he could save face a bit...

Bdubba said...

I am trying to visualize where you are located now.

You could teach him how to shoot the floating cheerios in the toilet for target practice since his aim is so poor.

TeacherLady said...

Calencoriel, the thought had crossed my mind about the diminutive nature of his little gentleman too... But I'm doing my best to be professional in my analysis of the whole situation and not yell "get that tiny prick of yours under control, or so help me I'm putting a kitty litter in your own room!" because that wouldn't be very sensitive or professional.

Bdubba, I'm now located "in the rectum of hell" as a student put it today. Across from the nurse. I look forward to all the illnesses and puking I'll be doing my best to avoid throughout the year.

My period started today. Let the fun of a well placed tampon applicator begin. Actually, I don't have the heart to really do that because I like my roomie and wouldn't want to make him think he was sharing a room with a cast member of the Exorcist.

Lynn said...

Please, please, please don't flush or wrap your used tampons. Just this one time? Paybacks ARE in order.