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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Toilet Humor

(Yes, I was lazy: The above photo is kindly on loan from Read, Write, Now which has a fantastic loo-related post here)

Okay, stop me if I've told you this one before (HA! You can't...), but I think I only alluded to it in a much older post and never actually told the full tale...

A few years ago, I was keen to use the use the loo, and the staff toilet I happened to aim for was occupied so I stood and waited in the adjoining staff room. I heard the toilet flush, so I thought "oh good". Then it flushed again. "Oh. Not so good." Then a third time. I decided to dash away before the multiple-flush-offender came out and we'd realize that both of us knew what had just transpired and embarrassment would follow. In my haste to leave, I almost bumped into my boss at the time. We greeted each other and went on our separate ways.

Later that day, I heard my boss say to another teacher "Well, I saw Ms. TeacherLady come out of there... Hey, TeachLady, c'mere a minute..."

Apparently, the Multiple-Flush-Offender was offensive in more ways than one. She had apparently left a deposit of the fecal variety on the floor... Not even on or near the toilet, but half way between the toilet and the door to the bathroom. I can't even begin to imagine how that came about. Did she waddle over to the door, afraid it wasn't locked? Did she do a jig to release the offending particle from her person, and it just landed where it did?

Anyway, my boss had half-entertained the theory that I was the Doodie Depositor as he had seen me leave the vicinity in a bit of a rush.

I still don't really know if he believed my protests. We did have sit-down as well as squat options back home, but I was a firm sitter and not an Arab of the squatting variety. I like my buttocks to be firmly positioned on my Armitage Shanks before doing my duty. So to speak.


melicieuse said...

hahahahahahaha, i can only imagine the doodie criminal living forever in fear of being discovered or forever living in the thought of oh god they all know but they are too embarrassed to mention it and then always having cold sweats whenever there is a joking session that someone might bring that episode back

Anonymous said...

That is harsh. An investigation to get to the bottom of things (pun most definitely intended)? Reminds me of a comment my mother would tell us when we had constipation issues. "You're good at math. Get a pencil and work it out." Ewww, gross. Yeah, I know, but you will definitely be looking for opportunities to use it ;)

TeacherLady said...

Melicieuse- When I recently retold this story to my colleagues, I did preface it with "If the offender is amongst us, just laugh along, no one will be the wiser..."!

Joycefied- I must confess, I've never heard that one! Having two little ones and being lactose intolerant makes poop a frequent topic of conversation in our house. It's only natural I would share the love online too...