Disclaimer: Some content is inappropriate for readers under 18 years of age or those offended by swear words, references to sexuality, atheism, and libertarianism.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

No Baby Yet...

...But I did, however, manage to mortify myself by accidentally splashing a cup full of water onto my lap while out at a restaurant with my husband and daughter. And there I was, paranoid that my waters would break in public and I managed to expedite things by doing what I did. Thankfully, it was the first time my daughter decided to bring along her Sesame Street blanket and so it made a convenient cover-up. I'm such a doofus.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Let the Right One In.

Last night, my husband and I watched the Swedish horror movie Let the Right One In. (Official Site in English). While the pace might not suit those used to the adrenaline stirring movies of contemporary Hollywood and is better appreciated by those who enjoy "art house" or "independent" movies (at the risk of making those people sound like modern day beatniks clicking their fingers at coffee house poetry readings and despising corporate America while living off of daddy's dollars earned at his CEO job at Proctor & Gamble), but I rather enjoyed it.

It's a vampire love story with a twist... It's set in the early 80's in Sweden and the vampire in question is a 12 year old girl who befriends a bullied little boy in her apartment block. The child actors come across very naturally, which is refreshing change from seeing some of the shit child actors I've seen recently in American movies. I'm often left wondering who the kid's mother blew to get them the job because there's no fucking way some of those kids were the best of ALL the kids who must have auditioned... But I digress. The special effects are used sparingly in the most enticing of ways. Just enough to hint at her full, horrifying abilities without taking away from the storytelling of two kids who just want to live their lives alongside someone who really cares, for once in their lives. 

As always, I NEVER watch a foreign movie with English dubbing if I can help it and it was certainly a good thing to listen to this movie with its original audio... Some of the English speaking voice actors were lacking to say the least when we went back and listened to a portion of it with the English dubbing.

While it's not my favorite movie of the year, it's one that I appreciate for its beauty, its tragedy, and its redemption. 

A Dose of Disney.

I love hearing multiple dubbings of American movies into other languages, especially musicals (You've not lived until you've heard the French dubbing of "Uncle Fucka" from South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut...) and was delighted to find out today that Jackie Chan did the voice of the Beast in Disney's Beauty and the Beast.

Now that my daughter is working her way through classic Disney animated movies, I'm really astounded at the superior animation of the older ones... Having recently watched Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, I marveled at the quality of movement of the human characters and was horrified to realize that the apparent rush job of Beauty and the Beast set it FAR below its much older counterparts (the animation only, everything else about that movie rocks). 

Man, you really have to watch Sleeping Beauty in Blu-Ray format to fully enjoy the AMAZING background art alone.  So this youtube clip of it won't do it justice, but just watch the movements of Aurora/Briar Rose/Sleeping Beauty... Stunning. Probably due to it having been rotoscoped. (Disney made great use of this in the past.)


An art that has now evolved into that body suit for 3D motion capture that made movies like Monster House and King Kong what they are, though to be honest I find the rotoscoping more fluid and natural looking...

And while I'm on the subject of Disney movies... I'm not saying that their modern productions are crap by any means, but they've really lost a lot of their charm. Naive, sweet romance has been replaced with smart-mouthed pop-culture referencing sarcastic characters. I remember when Once Upon a Dream and When You Wish Upon a Star were the sweet refrains echoing through their amusement parks, now it's all teeny-bopping shite from High School Musical, which has its place, but now it seems to be the only voice of Disney at all. When did Disney exclude the little ones, the innocents who don't give a crap about trivial adolescent bull crap? 

My daughters are doomed to a future of smart-ass, mini-skirt wearing Bratz doll clones filling their fields of vision despite my best efforts. Dammit.

Guilt Intermingling with Relief

So I'm on maternity leave. To save money, we've pulled our daughter out of daycare so it's not proving as restful as I would like, but it's always wonderful getting to spend more time with her.

What really concerns me is what's going on at work without me... I left behind a student who always seemed to get himself into trouble whenever I wasn't around to keep him in check, and so I feel like I'm dooming him to a hugely unsuccessful end of the school year... But then I remember that he came to us with all F's anyway, so we may just maintain status quo.

Even more concerning in my substitute teacher. I'm so trying my best not to judge, but I really don't have a great feeling about her. Without sharing rather personal things about her, let's just say that the more she shares about herself, her past, her opinions of education, etc. the more I think she should quit teaching altogether and never darken my life again. 

She's not that bad a person, just not someone I'd ever choose to hang out with because we're just very different people. For instance, when I see someone is incredibly busy trying to get all her work done before going on maternity leave, I don't stand there blathering on, and on, and on, and fucking on, about my personal life and even go so far as to ask for feedback. It got to the point that I stopped even politely "hmm"ing and just turned all my attention to my monitor to type up reports on my students. I felt like screaming "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" when I drifted back to her bubble of reality to hear the words "Do you think I did the right thing?" I didn't even hesitate: "I can't speak to that. I've never been in that situation before..."

I seriously came very close to crying (I'm not even joking, I really was worried my eyes were about to start brimming with tears) when she continued to talk after I said something along the lines of "Sorry I'm not much of a conversationalist but I've really got to get these reports done" and she even went so far as to get my hopes up to say: "I really should let you get your work done" before proceeding to continue making the least productive use of oxygen and vocal chords in the history of humanity, barring perhaps this classic, sterling moment in oral history:

When she finally left, I had to proofread my reports to make sure I hadn't made any subliminal insertions such as "fuck my life", "maybe I could fake contractions", or "would she notice if I emptied my water bottle onto my crotch before yelling 'MY WATER'S BROKEN'?"

There's far more I could say that would really horrify you, but I shouldn't really. Rest assured it's a lot worse than it seems. If I reacted to her that way, I can't imagine how my much more mentally unstable students will react. I guess I'll keep an eye on the local news to see if there's any news story about a substitute teacher getting stabbed in the throat with a number two pencil.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Home Improvements According to Mr. Creosote's Cats.

So... Because I don't believe in actually getting any rest, even when on spring break, we decided to schedule our basement refinishing to start this week. Thankfully, since it's one of those fancy-schmancy jobs where they chuck walls up easier than you can put together your daughter's plastic five piece playhouse, it will be done by the end of next week. But there's still a price to pay (beyond the rather large price tag attached to such convenience and fairly good quality)... Your pets go fucking apeshit.

On the first day, my cats decided to contribute to the whole redecorating event by adding splashes of color on various patches of carpet throughout the house, using the perfected medium of regurgitated 9 Lives canned cat food and an assortment of feline crunchy treats. The effect was truly dazzling and made for a wonderful work out of my incredibly pain stricken back as well as my extensive expletive vocabulary word bank.

The relocation of their kitty litters from the basement to the floor above also excited their creative juices as they decided to playfully scatter a few fecal nuggets in a couple of the rooms.

The dogs were only marginally better. The small mean, deaf one tried to attack the plumber on his first day working on site. Should my new basement toilet shoot a violent geyser-like water jet up the arse of the first person to christen it, I'll know who was to blame for the plumber's ire.

Thankfully, the dogs have calmed down, the cats have reserved MOST of their bodily functions for the kitty litters, and we're well on our way to having a great new space with which to fill with my ever-expanding supply of crap I manage to accumulate over a very short period of time.

And then all I have to do is finish up with work, give birth to my daughter, and finish this college class. Easy peasy.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Ricky Gervais on Sesame Street

I can't wait to see the actual episode, though I'd love it even more if I could see more backstage stuff like this.

PS: Sorry about my just chucking a load of videos up on here, but it's going to be like this for a while what with all that's going on in my life right now.

Depression Era Recipes

You take one 91 year old cook with a head full of memories and recipes and you've got a charming little youtube series.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Nintendo Shii

Set aside your bra burning for a moment and just smile. Thanks to Discarded Lies for finding this one. NSFW really.

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Snatch Wars

Love it. I laughed so hard when Vader leaves the room then calls Grand Moff Tarkin to finish insulting him.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Beyond the Wii-mote.

My childhood friend sent me this video... I would totally geek over being able to read reviews of books (or DVDs, which they didn't mention during this video) right there in stores... Then again... I don't really buy books from stores anymore, unless it's online. But it's always fun to go poking around good old fashioned book stores once in a while. It's... Nostalgic.

Battlestar Galactica- In Ur Utube, Fraking Wit Ur Mind.

Edward James Olmos at the UN

Battlestar Gallactica intro done in the style of The Office

Rather lengthy (and kinda dark-visually as well as content-wise, of course!) summary of first three seasons, but VERY well done

Time lapse video of drawing of Tricia Helfer

BSG on Robot Chicken

Bear McCreary is one of the BEST damn composers for TV/video games/etc. He is capable of blending so many different styles, it's just mind-boggling. Here's a song he wrote for BSG (performed live), All Along the Watchtower, A Distant Sadness (I wonder if it's true the lyrics to that are Armenian...)

Damn. I'm going to miss that show. I hope Caprica has something similar to offer.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Ideal Vacation Spot?

Oh man, I love responses from beauty queen contestants... Here's a fabulous one from Miss Universe 2008. Bless. She thought she was being reflective and appreciative of the little things in life, but ended up coming across as a bit of a stupid bint, really. It may very well be a very pretty little place, that Guantanamo Bay, but you don't get given a tour there to admire the scenery!

I've realized that I judge people when I shouldn't. Ms. Dayana Mendoza may be a rather intelligent young lady, but that wasn't quite the right approach, I think... At least she's not the Secretary of State. Could you imagine...?

Foreign Delegate: And this, Ms. Mendoza, was where 500 old men, women, and children were slaughtered by guerrilla soldiers.

Mendoza: What pretty flowers! At least they died somewhere pretty! Ooh look, a bunny!