Disclaimer: Some content is inappropriate for readers under 18 years of age or those offended by swear words, references to sexuality, atheism, and libertarianism.

Monday, January 12, 2009

History Teachers.


It seems, this year, that my favorite overheard comments originate in history class. On the one hand, I'm always excited when students ask questions or try to get clarification without fear of being laughed at because it's important to eliminate misunderstandings, but on the other hand I have to restrain myself from yelling "What the fuck...? That's hilarious! You really think that way?" and laughing in their faces. Being an effective and dedicated advocate of my students learning AND self-esteem, I don't do that. Out loud.

Example from today:
Female student: Did Roosevelt kill Hoover?
History Teacher: Uh. No.
Female student: Oh. Cuz it said Hoover was easily defeated by Roosevelt.

For me, the exchange conjured up images of Depression era puffy white men in a Star Trek-esque battle, complete with unconvincing rocky terrain that looks suspiciously like badly painted styrofoam, ripped shirts, and that signature battle music in the background. I know these kids are fairly well isolated in their own little bubbles of existence, seeing no further than the end of the day or their own street, but I was stumped by this one:

Male student: Mr. History teacher? Do farmers still help us today? I mean... Do we still get things from farmers?

Honestly. I know a lot of our foods are so highly processed it's hard to imagine any genuine plant or animal matter went into their production, but seriously... Out of morbid curiosity, I really should have asked him where the heck he thought his food came from, just to get a taste of the inner-workings of a frighteningly limited perception of the world. But then maybe that would be like gazing into a stupid-ass alien crystal skull and losing my mind in the process.

To momentarily divert my course with that train of thought, going from one history teacher to another sexier one who owns a whip... Trey Parker was right. My ass is still sore after that one. Oh Indy. What have they done to you? Surviving a nuclear explosion in a fridge? Your son magically gaining the ability to swing through the trees fast enough to head off a ground vehicle? How tragic, to have fallen so far... I still love you, Indy, baby. Had I been one of your students, I'd have written on my eyelids for you too. Sigh. There were only ever three Star Wars films and only ever three Indiana Jones movies. Even the one with Short Round.

Okay, end of history lesson.

No comments: