Okay, so this first one actually happened a week or so ago, but I kept forgetting to mention it and it's too good to pass up...
A student come charing into my friend's science class, and it's painfully obvious that he hadn't taken his medication that morning. He bounces off the walls for a bit, makes a general nuisance of himself in all manners possible.
Science Teacher: You haven't had your meds this morning, have you?
Neurotic Student: (Grins from ear to ear) Nope! I'm higher than a motherfucker!
Science Teacher: Go to the office.
Over doughnuts this morning (I'm a member of the "Doughnut Club". We eat chip in and share doughnuts once a week, usually on Fridays but since we've got a staff breakfast scheduled for this Friday, we moved our sacred ritual to this Thursday instead) a math teacher shared what he felt was the most outrageous referrals ever written about a student before. A fellow colleague of ours happens to have a rather flat looking back of the head and a student of his was kind enough to offer up her own diagnosis of what had happened:
Student With No Filter: I know what happened... Three fat women sat on your face, right?
I burst out laughing and paused long enough for another teacher in the room to offer her idea of the best comeback to that comment:
Spanish Teacher: He should have said "Yeah, it was your momma and her two sisters."
I laughed even harder. I love my colleagues.