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Thursday, May 15, 2008

Mind Games?

Our school psychologist really is a very special man. We have an enormous number of children who clearly exhibit signs of mental illness but as they have never been formally identified or diagnosed, they tend to just fill up our discipline lists until something someone gets up off their ass and they get identified. Only after consulting with counselors, teachers, administrators, parents, shamans, telephone psychics, chicken entrails, and the stars do we steel ourselves to the inevitable conversation with our school psychologist.

It only took one full year, but I finally got My Little Project identified as having special needs. Of course he failed everything in the mean time and had to repeat the grade, but hey… Better late than never, right? Forget the statistics on the number of kids who repeat a grade who end up dropping out.

But I digress. The main thrust of today’s little story involves a girl who has grown accustomed to the looming shadow of authority, is the reason we have her parole officer on speed dial, and has known the fear of trying to decide if her police issued anklet will electrocute her in the shower or not. She’s a colorful personality to say the least. We have tried everything under the sun to motivate her, but with a home life like hers, we may hear of a snowball fight in hell before we see a lasting positive change in her life. Now, don’t get me wrong… I haven’t given up all hope for her making progress, just that it’s extremely unlikely if things remain as they are. We resigned ourselves to the fact that we’d have to get in touch with our clueless psychologist. He was to observe her in her science class. At least this time he asked which student she was at the start of the period. I recall an instance where he was to observe a student in his class and waited until the end of the class to ask which kid it was he was meant to be watching, only to discover that the kid wasn’t even at school that day. I kid you not.

He asked which girl was Yolanda and was calmly informed that Yolanda isn’t even her name. In fact, her name isn’t even remotely LIKE Yolanda, and anyway, she hadn’t returned from jail yet. After she had returned, she was sent to his office for their first meeting. At the end of that day, our psychologist approached my colleague:

Psychologist: So I met with her today.

Science Teacher: (realized the idiot has forgotten her name again)… Yes?

Psychologist: Well it was going really well, until she asked to go to the restroom and never came back… (Science Teacher tries not to laugh at both the scenario and the genuinely confused look on the psychologists face. Obviously, the guy has yet to face reality.)

But then comes my favorite part.

Psychologist: I don’t understand it… She’s SUCH a pretty girl…

They stood there in silence for a few moments before my colleague promptly abandoned the conversation, leaving the mind-bogglingly stupid statement to hang in the air like a sagging, semi-deflated helium balloon that says “CREEPY” all over it.

What the hell…?


'liya said...

yikes :S

calencoriel said...





Gila said...

Alrighty then!

So...did he buy his degree on the internet?

TeacherLady said...

Gila, either that or he collected enough cereal box tokens and mailed them in...

Bee said...


TeacherLady said...

I know. It makes you worry, doesn't it?