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Monday, March 31, 2008

No Warm Apple Pie? Why Not Try a Picnic Table?!


I'm telling you... If you can't have sex with a picnic table in your own exposed front garden near an elementary school, where can you have sex with a piece of garden furniture of your choice? Can you imagine how embarrassed his wife must be? To be second place to an umbrella hole? Yeesh.
Note: Nowhere on the above instructions does it state "Insert Penis Here".

10 comments:

humble simpleton said...

Hey, how retarded one must be to even think about it? How retarded one must be to actually do it? And finally, how retarded one must be to get videotaped doing it and have his face all over the internet? Nooo!
Also, what kind of moron would just watch and tape him, ehm, four times? I don't know what would I do with this before my eyes. I can't say that I would not throw up instantly.
But I think reporting to police is too harsh, for the tremendous embarrassment not only for him, but also for his family. I believe simple question, like "Hi Art, howya doing?" right before orgasm would be sufficient cure for tabulophilia.

tadada tadada tatatata
shut your fucking face tablefucka
blah blah.. tablefucka
you don't eat or sleep or mowe the loan, you just fuck your table all day long :o)

TeacherLady said...

True... I think some things can be handled without police involvement... I'm guessing the neighbor was just too amused by the whole thing and wanted to share the joy with the rest of the world.
HAHAHA! Gotta love Terrance and Phillip.
You'd think this guy would be so horned out of his mind to try something like this once in a fit of passion ONCE, but multiple events lends itself more to calculated thought and planning.

calencoriel said...

Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs was from Bellevue, Ohio...

UrbanVoyeur said...

Did the table consent? Was it at least 17?

TeacherLady said...

I guess there's something in the water there. Calen...
Urbanvoyeur, oh MY GOD. We can only hope. I'm surprised there hasn't been an uprising amongst the Pressure Treated Wood Based Outdoor Furniture Community (TWBOFC- It wasn't catchy, but they went with it). Sooner or later, crimes against deck chairs, wicker ottomans, and benches will no longer be tolerated...

Sam said...

this is sick and funny at the same time...couldnt he find an indoor furniture to do it with ? hmmmmmmm maybe he already has and gotten sick of them and decided to venture outdoor....how embarrassing for his whole family..gosh...can u imagine the teasing his kids must of gotten at school?

TeacherLady said...

Sam, I know... And when the kids grow up, how will they look him in the eye? And how will they sit on the lounger and not cringe? Ew.

humble simpleton said...

mowe the loan?
Who wrote that?

TeacherLady said...

Oh I knew what you meant... But thanks to good old Freud, I can see you've got money on your mind... :)

Sam said...

OMG i hope his wife threw that table away...sick sick sick!