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Tuesday, March 25, 2008

10 Weird Things I Do.

1) If I'm sitting on a public toilet and someone else enters the bathroom, I cough to make sure they are fully aware of my presence. As if, somehow, the lock on my stall won't work and they'll come crashing in to see me sitting there with my knickers around my ankles.

2) If I get a hangnail, I fiddle with it constantly until it falls off completely.

3) I pretend to punch my fattest cat in his ample stomach and make action movie fighting sound effects as I do it. He just stares at me and purrs.

4) I do "happy dances" as I pass colleagues in the hallways at work. They probably suspect Valium abuse.

5)If my lips are really dry, I tuck my upper lip under itself so I look like an oversized hamster.

6) When I'm in Britain and I buy a Big Issue (magazine written by the homeless), I feel the need to hold it visibly so I won't feel guilty when I pass other Big Issue vendors. They may follow me and break my knees.

7) Almost all of my pets and my daughter each have a "theme song". For some reason, for our cantankerous aggressive dog, it's Sugar Sugar by Archies. For our fattest cat, it's the tune of Goldfinger, but since his name is "Spud", it has become Spud-Muffin. I sing their songs frequently. Sometimes dancing is involved.

8) Rather than hold a flat hand up to my mouth when I yawn, I've started holding up a loosely clenched fist. I have no idea why. It has occurred to me that I must look like I'm miming giving someone a blow job, so I should probably stop.

9) I randomly quote Monty Python, Space Balls, History of the World Part I, Airplane!, and Black Adder when around family and friends and STILL laugh at the quotes. "You ever seen a grown man naked?" It's not cool, but at least I don't go beyond one or two quotes per sitting. Any more is REALLY lame.

10) Regardless of how a person looks, I wonder what sex with that person may be like. Not necessarily with me, per se, just what their techniques or appearance would be. Sometimes this is something I enjoy dwelling upon, other times it's nothing short of a gag-inducing masochistic endeavor. I have a feeling this topic will become a new game to play with my good friends at work over Friday drinks.

10 comments:

Hani Obaid said...

Wow, those are actually so good, it makes me wonder about the ones you're holding back !

'liya said...

Laughing at #10

I sometime wonder how people are with their significant others too, especially if they're really boring in real life :D

Batoul A. said...

lol I do happy dances too haha... this list was good! beats everyone elses.

calencoriel said...

My family has yet to make it through any holiday gathering without quoting at least one of the movies you mentioned. We also include Stripes, Meatballs, Golden Child and French and Saunders. At some point, I'm hoping we'll actually have a conversation.

Oh, and I'm totally in for #10. I'm sitting next to you at our next staff meeting...

7aki Fadi said...

LMAO at 10

Cairogal said...

Airplane and Airplane 2 are permanently embedded in my memory, as are various lines from History of the WOrld Pt.1!

PHSChemGuy said...

Spectacular...thanks for guessing...

Dana said...

I really like your list and i have to say that no. 10 is hilarious.

Gila said...

Airplane, Monty Python...yep...quote them!

TeacherLady said...

Hani, if it weren't for the fact that Arab men back home gossip like the British press, I'd probably be a lot more obnoxious! :) Gossip doesn't hurt me as much as it hurts the ones I love.
'Liya, I probably appear quite boring to some people, but I'd like to think I'm not :)

Batoul, long live the Happy Dance. Mine involves the move that looks like you're stirring a pot with two hands...

Calen, you're on! However, should any mention of diapers/Depends arise, I may withdraw from the activity. There's only so much my imagination can take.

Cairogal, you'd br surprised at how many opportunities arise to give the line "Step on the same foot at the same time! MY TITS ARE FALLING OFF!" I love Madeline Kahn, may she rest in peace.

PHSChemguy, don't mention it, "stud". :)

Thank you all for the kind feedback. I wrote the list because I wanted to figure out just how weird I am, but it turns out I'm really not THAT weird after all. I was sort of hoping I would at least be a charming eccentric type...