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Thursday, September 27, 2007

Wanted: School Psychologist.

Small non-verbal mammals may apply

Call it a wish list, call it a dream, but I'm putting a call out for a school psychologist who fits my apparently demanding set of criteria...

1) Does not refuse to test a kid because the kid's black and we really need to stop over-identifying black kids as having special needs. "It doesn't look good". So said kid (and more) doesn't get an IEP until the end of the school year and he's already failed most of his classes because we couldn't legally do anything about it.

2) Does not tell female teachers they should "work out more".

3) Does not evade testing a kid by telling you that standardized testing is over-rated and really your classroom assessments are more accurate at detailing if a kid has a low IQ or not. So get to it.

4) Needs to actually know how to score a kid's IQ and not just blurt out "It's in the average range" and refuse to give a number because no actual IQ testing has gone on at all. (Later confirmed by the kid.)

5) Does not avoid testing a kid by saying it's the way the teacher teaches that's the problem and goes on to offer kind assistance in telling a teacher how she may do her job better when he has never taught kids, let alone THESE kids.

6) Does not avoid testing to take a kid off of an IEP who doesn't need it because "the parents may get mad".

7) Does not tell a certain special education teacher that she is annoying him because she keeps asking him to test a kid because her 3 year evaluation is due and it's the psychologist's job to test her. HAS HE EVER TESTED A FREAKING KID???

8) Does not laugh like the kid in school who had no friends and tried desperately to fit in with others by laughing at their jokes he clearly does not get.

9) Does not look at you and ask you questions as though he has no understanding of humanity and is trying really hard to grasp it.

10) Does not sit and listen to teachers giving details of some kid who's skipped class/cussed out all his teachers/beaten up another student/had sex with a girl in the court-yard and then stared at you with that intense stupidity and says "So what's his motivation?"

11) Does not get you to sign a document THEN put in an inaccurate date without your knowledge.

12) And my absolute must... DOES NOT FORGE THE SIGNATURE OF TEACHERS ON LEGAL DOCUMENTS. Call me picky, but what the fuck?

I'm not too keen on psychologists or psychiatrists in general and feel that most of them could benefit from a few lessons on reality in the form of a look of disbelief followed by a screechingly abrupt kick to the taint, but I'm sure we could do better. A stuffed marmoset on a pine stand would prove more useful.

Motion to replace current psychologist with a stuffed marmoset on a pine stand?

Motion approved. We are adjourned.


Realm Of Dreams said...

HAHAHA! Kick to the taint. Snicker snicker... I needed that (Probably almost as much as the Psycholochiatrist...)

humble simpleton said...

Cap inapp just can't see what he is saying, but what is this freak? Forging legal documents is regular crime isn't it? What is it about school psychologist that he needs to forge documents? And compared to the other points, cap inapp is harmless no?

TeacherLady said...

I agree entirely. And Capt. Inappropriate has made big improvements in terms of his comments (though his teaching is leaving a lot to be desired... He hasn't actually graded or handed ANYTHING back to these kids at all... And he taught them a vertex was a point, not a corner or angle, which got under my skin) but he's no where near as irritating to me as our psychologist. Sadly, the only reason he got the job was that he was the only person to apply for it. And even more sad, for some bizarre reason the head of the special ed. department and people higher up really like him...

ra said...

lol!! and cap inapp strikes back!!!

PHSChemGuy said...

#12 is a little scary...

TeacherLady said...

I wish I were exaggerating, but number 12 happened this past summer when a teacher found out her signature was on a document signed during the summer when she knows damn well she wasn't in the building... She started asking questions, then returned to the file to find that the paper was no longer there and in its place was a new document signed by another person.
He was late on getting the work done, and so summer arrived and he decided the best course of action would be to forge the signature of the person he needed who was on her well-earned vacation at the time.
The only people at work who truly piss me off are the people who have no business having the job that they do if they don't intend on doing it well.

PHSChemGuy said...

Good god...I didn't realize that Mr. Fit Psychologist was that nuts. The other incidents I can kind of believe, but the forging is a step beyond.

Carmen said...

GEEZ!!! What kind of school are you working in?? Total insanity!