Friday, September 28, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
1) Does not refuse to test a kid because the kid's black and we really need to stop over-identifying black kids as having special needs. "It doesn't look good". So said kid (and more) doesn't get an IEP until the end of the school year and he's already failed most of his classes because we couldn't legally do anything about it.
2) Does not tell female teachers they should "work out more".
3) Does not evade testing a kid by telling you that standardized testing is over-rated and really your classroom assessments are more accurate at detailing if a kid has a low IQ or not. So get to it.
4) Needs to actually know how to score a kid's IQ and not just blurt out "It's in the average range" and refuse to give a number because no actual IQ testing has gone on at all. (Later confirmed by the kid.)
5) Does not avoid testing a kid by saying it's the way the teacher teaches that's the problem and goes on to offer kind assistance in telling a teacher how she may do her job better when he has never taught kids, let alone THESE kids.
6) Does not avoid testing to take a kid off of an IEP who doesn't need it because "the parents may get mad".
7) Does not tell a certain special education teacher that she is annoying him because she keeps asking him to test a kid because her 3 year evaluation is due and it's the psychologist's job to test her. HAS HE EVER TESTED A FREAKING KID???
8) Does not laugh like the kid in school who had no friends and tried desperately to fit in with others by laughing at their jokes he clearly does not get.
9) Does not look at you and ask you questions as though he has no understanding of humanity and is trying really hard to grasp it.
10) Does not sit and listen to teachers giving details of some kid who's skipped class/cussed out all his teachers/beaten up another student/had sex with a girl in the court-yard and then stared at you with that intense stupidity and says "So what's his motivation?"
11) Does not get you to sign a document THEN put in an inaccurate date without your knowledge.
12) And my absolute must... DOES NOT FORGE THE SIGNATURE OF TEACHERS ON LEGAL DOCUMENTS. Call me picky, but what the fuck?
I'm not too keen on psychologists or psychiatrists in general and feel that most of them could benefit from a few lessons on reality in the form of a look of disbelief followed by a screechingly abrupt kick to the taint, but I'm sure we could do better. A stuffed marmoset on a pine stand would prove more useful.
Motion to replace current psychologist with a stuffed marmoset on a pine stand?
Motion approved. We are adjourned.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
At the end of each day, I go visit Candy Comrade Teacher because she teaches Honors students who often stay after school to get their work done, make sure they understand the lessons taught that day, and generally do things that would be totally alien to the yahoos I see... Otherwise I start to forget that such kids exist.
Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE "my" guys very much, but it's a little disheartening to be exposed to the following:
- Students placing more than one decimal point in a number.
- Students refusing to multiply a number by a variable, because they don't know the value of the variable. (ie. 2 times x is just 2x, but they don't get that far. They just get mad at the 'x'.)
- Students asking what page they have to turn to when the teacher has not only said it five times, but written it up on the board and pointed to it like a deranged runway aircraft traffic controller. Every day.
- Students who don't know me making inappropriate remarks behind my back, mainly involving what they'd like to do to me and proceed to make grunting or girly-moaning noises. Turning around and glaring at any male in the vicinity doesn't help me find out which moron is responsible.
- Students still unable to identify the state we live in on a map (Miss Teen USA can give a great explanation of this) and NEVER EVER get continents and countries straight. EVER. They will go to their graves thinking Africa is a country.
- Students getting angry at the teacher when the students don't bring supplies to school and the teacher doesn't have a stash just for them stowed away somewhere and so they make the intelligent decision to say things like "Well then, I ain't doin' your work" and proceed to put their head on the table. I'm always the one who suggests "Ask your classmates", then they look stupid when the person next to them hands them a pencil. Every single time.
- Students, again, getting angry at the teacher, but this time because they got caught cheating. We're just really mean people. Silly me, I used to be horrified at the idea of being caught cheating and so wouldn't do it for fear of the shame, when all I had to do was yell at the teacher for trying to "get me in trouble for no good reason".
- Students being mean to the poor kids with more severe disabilities who are forced to attend regular classes because of the wonderful decision makers at the top who thought that would be the best thing for those who have no idea what the hell is going on in the class, but certainly learn a thing or two about cruelty.
And that was just one week in the world of TeacherLady.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Friday, September 21, 2007
What's even more sad is that I've just turned it into blog material too... Hmm. The conundrum.
I am writing this letter to recommend TeacherLady for the scholarship for professional development. TeacherLady is the hottest teacher here at AnySchool High. She literally makes you salivate and shiver when you see her in the hallways. She has a way about her that is mesmerizing and you could just look at her all day long. Many of the students and faculty members also feel the same way about TeacherLady. We often talk about her hotness, intelligence, and sense of humor.
TeacherLady is deserving of this scholarship as she wants to become a master level teacher and learn literacy strategies that she will be able to pretend to use with her students. TeacherLady has had a lot of success with her students in the past years all due to her ability to relate to students on their level. This is not to say that TeacherLady is immature and at a high school mentality. It just means that she is cool and trendy and knows how to connect with younger people. Maybe it is slightly suspicious but we keep a close eye on her throughout the school day.
Please consider TeacherLady for this scholarship because if she is taking classes and focused on that she will have less time to interact inappropriately with our student bodies…if you know what I mean!
Asian Babe Teacher.
IS at AHS with IEP’s with CD,SLD, ED, OHI,ADHD, IAT, 504,IAT, some MFE
Also, peer spy and occasional snitch
She put it on an official letterhead too... Whattagal!
blacklight ones are rather interesting... Some appear to be entirely invisible under normal light, others seem to leave a slightly darker skin color in their wake. When I want to turn heads in public, I just wear a full burka and swear in a loud Liverpudlian accent. Great fun.
"Aahhh, fer fookssake..."
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Now that I think back, she knew it was going to happen. She had that kind of serenity I've only ever seen in someone who knows they're dying or else has lived through such enormous tragedy that they know where life's priorities lie. During meetings with her son present, she'd give him a look and say things that warned of his needing to shape up and be more responsible, because one day she wouldn't be around to keep him in line. I didn't know she meant that to happen so soon and I didn't really think she meant in death.
This Friday, aside from all the bitching, swearing, and laughter, I will raise a glass to mothers and the wonderful people they fill my life with.
I miss my mum.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
Foxy Art Lady: You know what my husband calls goatees? Oh this is terrible... Prison Pussy!
TeacherLady: Hahaha! You made me snort my pina colada out my nose! (To my goatee-wearing readers- Please don't be offended. We did go on to say that we both like them...)
Candy Comrade Teacher: I think it's because he wears his belt too tight...
Foxy Art Lady Teacher: Yeah, his butt's so big, it looks like a woman's butt. He has a womanly ass! It looks so poofy I just want to spank it to see what it's like!
Mama Teacher: SpongeBob Square Pants!
TeacherLady: I've heard he's also called Grandpa because it looks like he's wearing an adult diaper! That would explain it...
Asian Babe Teacher: You know how serious History Teacher is, well one day he mentioned to me that he felt like eating Chinese and I said "My husband eats Chinese every night!" Hahaha! His face went so red!
And while the subject rarely strays from work and the stresses the come along with it, it never fails to make me nearly pee myself with laughter every time. I've never been around a bunch of women as obnoxious and fantastic as these! I pity the diners nearby who have to hear comments on how some of us need knee pads to save on wear and tear when we're "sucking" up to various administrators, but it's so worth it. Come on, Friday!
Saturday, September 15, 2007
It's not as funny as Shoebox's solo stuff where he's usually soley resonsible for the lyrics (sorry, Luke), but this is still a great idea and he gets bonus points for making a Doctor Who joke and referring to the fact that Zachary Quinto (Sylar) is going to be Spock in the next Star Trek movie...
Holding Out For Hiro
A parody of "Holding Our For A Hero" by Bonnie Tyler,
About the sci-fi TV show "Heroes".
Parody lyrics by the great Luke Ski.
© 2007 Luke Sienkowski
(1 measure drum fill, followed by 8 measure intro with background vocalists singing:
"Doo doo doo doo, Doo doo doo doo, Doo doo doo doo, Aaah, Aaah!")
Where'd the man in horn rimmed glasses
Hide a child so odd?
Where's the teen like Wolverine
With the sexy indestructible bod?
Hit her with Mack truck,
Her blonde hair still is curled.
Who will save the cheerleader,
And who will save the world?
I need Hiro!
Nakamura's the Hiro that I desperately seek.
He's gotta be mild,
And he's gotta be kind,
And he's gotta be a comic book geek.
I need Hiro!
He's on a mission with Ando, stoppin' Sylar's crime.
He's got a big sword.
In a squint of his eyes,
He will save us in the nick of time, on borrowed time.
(8 measures with background vocalists singing:
"Doo doo doo doo, Doo doo doo doo, Doo doo doo doo, Aaah, Aaah!")
Hiro: Ando, help me think up a good super hero name for myself.
Ando: How about "TimeLord"?
Hiro: What happened?
Ando: Somebody hit me, but I don't see anyone. This really hurts!
Hiro: So you're saying you need to see the Doctor?
Orphaned son Mohinder
Found his father's maps and graphs.
Now Sylar's killing down the list,
Like PokeMon for sociopaths. (Sylar: Gotta catch 'em all!)
Will the emo male nurse sponge-boy
Stop his mad pursuit?
He'll need help from a Superman,
In a sharp Armani suit.
Hiro: It's a bird!
Ando: It's a plane!
Hiro: It's a politician!
I need Hiro! (Nathan: Vote Petrelli!)
I'm holding out for Hiro to bring order to things,
So that five years from now,
There's no fascists in power,
So behind the scenes he's pulling the strings.
I need Hiro!
Here comes the father of Hiro, and he's almost retired.
His company's big,
So he'll sensei his kid,
But if Hiro fails, he's gonna get fired.
(Sulu: You're going to get FIRED!) (SFX: Trek Photon torpedos)
I need Hiro!
Officer Parkman brought donuts, must have read my mind!
Hiro: In the next 9th Wonders comic book, Isaac shows me killing Sylar!
Ando: So you have the new issue?
Hiro: No, I read about it in Wizard Magazine.
Ando: Oh!Out in Las Vegas on an internet site,
A struggling mother strips for a fee,
But make her mad, and the fatal spankings
Are for free. (Niki: You wouldn't like me when I'm angry)
The Bennets are always on the run.
Will Claire go to her prom?
Some say Peter is cool,
Could you say, he's 'the bomb?'
Hiro & Ando: Literally 'the bomb'?
Is he lit' - 'trally the bomb?!
Is he lit' - 'trally the bomb?!
Is he lit' - 'trally the bomb?!
Is he lit' - 'trally the booooooooomb?! (SFX: Huge explosion!)
I need Hiro!
He's heading to the Big Apple at the end of the road.
To face a psycho Spock,
Who will clean out your clock
Just to get at your genetic code.
I need Hiro!
I'm holding out that soon Hiro faces destiny.
At the comic book's end,
Sylar dies on his sword,
Like some DC/Marvel prophecy.
I need Hiro!
I'm holding out for Hiro's graphic novelty.(8 measures w/ vocalists singing "Oooh ooh ooh")Ando: Hiro, why are we speaking in English right now instead of in Japanese?
Hiro: Because in audio format, nobody can read subtitles. So we must speak in broken English, as if we
were in a Japanese comic book.
Ando: So we are MANGA-ling the English language?
Hiro: In a matter of speaking, hai.
(4 measure fade out)
Friday, September 14, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Yet another reason I'm glad I'm here, either way. Here you get cable and a library in the big house. :)
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
He mistakenly calls a young white student by the name of the only other white student in the class. She reacted with confusion, to which he loudly responded:
"Well, all you white girls look the same to me."
She looked genuinely offended, while the rest of the class joined Captain Inappropriate in his laughter. I darted my eyes towards the ground so I wouldn't have to give a polite smile to him if he looked my way. I hate it when the classroom teacher makes a lame joke then looks to me expecting me to be guffawing in some sort of comradeship, when in fact I find it about as funny as a Family Circus cartoon.
"It's true about the boys, though..." remarked one black girl with a pensive look on her face and a nod of agreement from her friend.
In one fell swoop, Captain Inappropriate has damaged the already fragile ego of a young girl and propagated stereotypical racist beliefs. I'm impressed.
Since then, that girl has come to his class and immediately put her head on the desk, to which our brave Captain makes note of loudly and repeatedly throughout the class.
Take note, the same day he made the race comment, I had a little chat with him and pointed out that comments may be taken home to parents who have "no sense of humour" (I know how his brain works, that's how he'd view them), but he was adamant that he knows who to joke with and how far to go. He then went on to give some examples that made me wonder if I should go to someone about this. He really doesn't get it, and there is obviously so much more I don't even know about. He's not sick, he's just clueless and thinks they'll all brand him "cool" if he keeps this up.
I feel really bad when I realize that I dread going into his class. How must the kids feel? Poor bastards.
You may want to look at DVD Price Search to compare prices of various stores selling the DVD, they're usually got the most up-to-date info on various DVD sellers' prices and special offers.
"There's no Messiah in here. There's a mess all right, but no Messiah. Now go away!"
Oh my God. I have to read all these quotes now and just giggle for the rest of the day! Geniuses. Absolute geniuses.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
There was never a quick, easy, correct answer to avoid any of this. I’m sorry the national and international bodies that are meant to protect you fail time and again. I can’t imagine your suffering, but I offer you my humble thoughts and love.
On a more positive note, if any you would be interested in doing a little bit to help out a woman and her family in a war torn country, Women For Women International has found a “friend” who will double any donation made to the organization. I’m already sponsoring a woman in Afghanistan, but I’ll also chip in a little more before October 31st when the doubling offer will be ending.
I have hope in humanity. After all, we created the Whoopie Cushion.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Before summer began, he clearly violated my personal space while telling me how fantastic I look and made my skin crawl with the old elevator eyes thing... I was uncomfortable and gave a mumbled response before fleeing with a colleague down the hall. Unfortunately, we were not out of eat or eye shot when she started making kissing noises at me and imitating his spine chilling leer up and down my body, so he felt the need to tie up loose ends at the end of the day by grabbing me forcefully by the arm:
Creepy Janitor Guy: You weren't offended by what I said earlier, were you?
TeacherLady: *laughing nervously* Uhh... I... Just wasn't expecting it. It took my by surprise.
Why didn't I just say "yes"?
I decided that since it was the last day of work, I didn't have to be literally held back in the building, so I squirmed from his grip and scampered off to join my colleagues for a bit of after-school refreshments.
Ever since our return from the summer break, I've been keeping an eye out for dead rodents being planted in my drawer and I even have a plan with one of my colleagues should I get cornered in my room again. We have to attach a discrete code name to it, so I'm thinking he won't suspect a thing if I pick up the phone, dial my buddy and say:
Friday, September 07, 2007
1) I get sent an "80s Hit of the Day" from one of my colleagues (today's was Separate Ways by Journey, and Open Arms at my request :) ).
2) I actually want to hang out with my colleagues outside of school.
3) My students' hugs are genuine (and not pervy).
4) When students from my past visit me and they have that light in their eyes. The one that says "I understand so much more now." Especially when they come back from having a kid.
5) When my students say "Ohhhh... NOW I get it." They may forget it by tomorrow, sure, but you learn to live in the moment and savour it!
6) The amount of money we raise for so many charities and the hard work some of the teachers/parents/and kids put into raising it.
7) I say nice things to a parent when all they've ever heard is complaints and then seeing the gratitude in their eyes. It may take a little white lie once in a while, but it's fantastic if the kid is there too and they silently send you endless 'thank you's and act just that little bit better from then on. Hey, it makes my life easier too!
8) Teachers act as bad as the kids, especially during meetings and in the hallways.
9) We see a colleague get particularly frazzled and we all make sure we do something to cheer that colleague up... And we SUCCEED! This may or may not involve the copious pouring of fermented vegetable juice.
10) I hear the kids react strongly to the novel/short story they're reading in class. Nothing makes Romeo and Juliet more fun than hearing "Hey Jamal, I bite my thumb at YOU, SIR!" and in response to Juliet's suicide "Oh no she DI'N'T!" and their protests at Mr. Shakespeare's choice of endings goes on for quite some time... Because they learned to care for the characters. Beautiful.
11) Students I've had in the past who made my life a living hell greet me with warmth, smiles, and hugs. I guess pretending to like them that whole time has paid off.
This post is more for my catharsis than your reading pleasure, so I don't doubt that it bored the hell out of you, but I felt like doing it.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Sunday, September 02, 2007
My husband found episodes of a British comedy sketch show called Time Trumpet on uknova.com, one of those charmingly illegal sites that put up a lot of British programing for us poor saps who can't get it on TV. The basic premise is that people of the future are being interviewed on the subject of the early 21st century (ie. our time period) and their responses are admirably performed with straight faced realism despite the outlandish things they're saying. It must be noted that the interviews also use spliced-together footage of actual events, with some fair amount of editing, tweaking, and outright overdubbing.
Above is a tiny clip of an advert for the show that let me know we'd found a winner... I've seen a few of the episodes posted on Youtube, so enjoy...