Disclaimer: Some content is inappropriate for readers under 18 years of age or those offended by swear words, references to sexuality, atheism, and libertarianism.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Fly? I'd Rather Stick a Red Hot Poker In My Eye.


How much do I hate flying? Let me count the ways...


1) The flight crew on my departing night flight go on strike so I have to lug my bags all the way home and lose a day I could have spent with my family I hardly ever get to see.


2) I lose the lovely seat I had booked that had a circle of open seats all around me for my one year old to cause chaos without getting Cheerios on anyone or kicking the back of someone's chair while she's sitting on my lap for story time.


3) I instead get crammed in the back of the plane right next to the screaming engine and have to rock my poor child to sleep and she screams in frustration at not being able to lie down properly (on the bright side, this was the only time she screamed the whole vacation).


4) The line for foreigners in Vancouver airport was long enough I thought I was going to get onto Space Mountain on a hot July day and was unlucky enough to be behind an enormous number of huge tour bus parties from the Far East.


And that was my flight TO Vancouver.

As for the return:


5) One leg of the journey was fine. I had one hour for my connecting flight and had to get there quickly with my happy little child attached to my front, cheering "Weeeee!" on every moving walk way and escalator. That wasn't the bad part. The bad part was rushing to get there and then finding out a long time later that the crew on this flight was on strike too and I was going to have to spend a night in beautiful Detroit.


6) The lady at the gate (let's call her Kim, because that was her real name) told us all there was a free shuttle to the hotel that Northwest would pay for and we had $15 in coupons to spend on food there. THERE IS NO SHUTTLE TO THE DOUBLE TREE HOTEL THEY PUT US UP IN.


7) When we (I made friends with other Lost souls of Flight 815) finally figured this out, we shared a cab and figured we could present the bill to NWA later. The first cab filled up before I could get on with my increasingly annoyed little girl.


8) I finally stepped up to a cab who refused to take me because he didn't have a car seat.


9) When I finally got there, my daughter was so wound up, she didn't fall asleep until half past midnight, and in the meantime, crawled all over my face and hit me painfully in the nose twice. The bed was so high, I woke up constantly to make sure she wouldn't roll off.


10) I only had enough formula to last the trip home. I thus ran out.


11) The next day, my flight changed gates twice. This wouldn't mean much to those who didn't have to carry around as much as I was.


12) They refused to reimburse us for the taxis and Kim claimed to have never said that there was a shuttle.


13) The plane we got on was faulty and we sat there for an hour and a half until they finally kicked us off. My daughter slept for the whole time we WOULD have been traveling, but was now awake and ready to go with bells on.


14) We got onto a new plane and sat there for two hours because flight control "forgot" (the pilot's words) to reschedule us into the air. Boy, don't I feel confident.


15) The milk I bought her has now gone bad before she could finish it because this is all taking so damn long. There is no milk on the plane, only creamer for tea and coffee.


16) I finally get home, and my luggage is stored away because it arrived before me. No one is manning the NWA luggage storage desk.


17) I have to wait in the check in line for another half an hour to get the one under appreciated NWA employee to go down and unlock the door and let me get my bags full of touristy crap and swim diapers.


And those are the reasons, my friends, I hate flying. I didn't even bother mentioning the fact that they now charge for snacks because that was the least of my worries.


It is their right to strike, certainly, but I wish I had known ahead of time so I could avoid their company altogether and spurn them as I would a rabid cur.


On the plus side, my daughter was absolutely amazing the whole damn time (aside from the hits to my nose) and deserves an award for best behaved one year old in the history of time. I was more likely to throw a tantrum in the face of our joyous experiences than she was.

6 comments:

PHSChemGuy said...

Congrats on being safe and sound and back home...sorry for all of your troubles getting here...

TeacherLady said...

Thanks, it was quite the experience. It's worth coming home for, at least. And it was worth it to see my family. It'll harden me up in time for August! I've heard GREAT things about the incoming 9th graders (that was sarcasm, in case this font didn't get that across.)
I hope your summer vacation is pleasant and revitilizing and literary. I'm on page 118. :)

jjs mama said...

Whoa there. I so shouldn't have read this post considering I'm going to be on a nonstop flight from SF to London in exactly one week with a VERY active 9 month old. Oy. God help me.

I hate that I've been too busy to keep along with your blog. I've certainly missed it.

Welcome back home.

TeacherLady said...

Sad thing is, I'm not actually home anymore so I'm not resting up just yet. I my enjoy traveling and seeing new places, but with a child along it's a lot more exhausting than a vacation could be. Not that my vacations were very restful anyway... They tend to involve my mother who has a great capacity for fussing and creating chaos where there was none.
Good to have you back for the time being. I enjoy a reader who shares! It lets me know someone is actually entertained by my efforts.

humble simpleton said...

There's a small airport near Prague, where cheap russian travel agencies are flying their tourists. Similarly, everything is go and in time with them only if they make a mistake. One employee of that airport once said:"I wonder how these people could fire men into space."
Also I add my objection to your ignoring of your blogging duties. There's a party of at least three people who miss your rantings.
Now for my decoding abilities, "phschemguy". Hmm.. Teacherlady's fellow teacher specialized in physics and chemistry?
That reminds me it's been a long time since my last etymology lesson. So, let's have a look on the sciences. First, 'scientia' - knowledge in Latin. Now couple of greek words: 'logos' - speech, thought, reason; 'logikos' - rational; 'logia' - gathering. Can you see the logic in it? Something-logy = gathering of knowledge about something.
What something? 'Physis' - nature in Greek, nature that couples together with 'Psyche' - spirit. 'Bios' - life in Latin. This is interesting: 'al-khimia' is 'transformation' in arabic (is it? you know better), medieval alchemists borrowed this word, because their goal was to find a way of transforming common materials into gold. But since they discovered million of other things but not gold fast and easy, they modified the name and made it a scientia. Another Greek: 'oikos' - household, dwelling, where you live; 'nomia' - rule, management (yes, ecology, economy); 'societas' - Latin, society. 'philos' - Greek, fond of..; 'sophia' - Greek, knowledge. And finally 'ethymos' - Greek 'true'(meaning). Etc. etc., here are the most common.
Welcome back.

TeacherLady said...

Thank you kindly, Humble, and your lesson was long overdue.
Sadly, I'm not really back home. I'm in Tennessee now... I only got a few days "rest" at home before driving off with my husband, daughter, and step-son for our own vacation together. I wonder if this will be the first year I feel more rested once work starts. God forbid. What a horrid thought.